The Nintendo Wii system first hit retailers in 2006, and despite all the shattered living room TVs and Wii Sports-induced cases of tennis elbow, the hardware remains one of the brand’s bestselling home consoles. From quasi-steering capabilities in Mario Kart Wii and the sometimes-insensitive Wii Fit balance board to Nunchuk-reliant boxing matches with the formidable Matt, the Nintendo Wii and its kooky accessories introduced a ton of new and exciting gameplay possibilities. Unfortunately, they can’t all be winners. Nintendo’s Wii console might’ve batted a thousand in the mid-aughts, but some of the system’s exclusive software and tangential trimmings still manage to make me cringe. That’s why we’re revisiting the classic console to name and shame some real stinkers.
Take a look at our picks, and sound off in the comments if you agree or disagree.
Sukeban Shachou Rena (2009)
METACRITIC: N/A
Don’t let the musically inclined cat fool you — Sukeban Shachou Rena, released exclusively for the Nintendo Wii in 2009, remains the system’s worst-performing title. Like, ever. After its release, numerous gaming outlets reported that the game had sold only 100 copies, although those reports have not been substantiated. Sukeban Shachou Rena never got a North American release, but collectors might be able to get a physical copy from resellers (for a pretty penny, of course).
Carnival Games: Mini-Golf (2008)
METACRITIC: 38/100
Critical and commercial interest in Wii Sports spurred a number of similar drops. Among the most memorable (but not for good reason) are the Carnival Games releases. I don’t recall seeing that smug, mustachioed carnival barker on any of my friends’ shelves, but I saw a whole lot of him every time I perused GameStop’s clearance selection. Oof.
My Horse & Me (2008)
METACRITIC: 49/100
Move over, Red Dead Redemption 2! My Horse & Me is the first release from Atari’s partnership with the International Federation for Equestrian Sports, but its closer to the bottom of my “must-play Wii games” list. The game sought to capitalize on the popularity of multifaceted pet-rearing games like Nintendogs, but its gameplay, visuals, UI, and controls derailed that dream pretty quickly. Sorry, Seabiscuit.
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Michael Jackson: The Experience (2010)
METACRITIC: 56/100
If you’ve ever wanted to play Just Dance but with moves and tunes from only one artist, then Michael Jackson: The Experience may be for you. According to Metacritic reviews, though, it’s not for most. Countless outlets reported that Michael Jackson: The Experience really only served MJ superfans. If you’re hoping to hone that moonwalk, however, I’d call your local games reseller. This may help — “may” being the operative word here.
Cooking Mama: Cook Off (2007)
METACRITIC: 61/100
If you’ve ever thought real-life food prep wasn’t laborious or expensive enough, add Cooking Mama: Cook Off to your repertoire. While its visually appealing enough to make you hungry, in-game tedium takes a toll, slowing down what could be an otherwise exciting and fast-paced cooking sim. The Nintendo DS Cooking Mama games were more engaging (a la WarioWare), but Cook Off gets stale, and fast.
Muscle March (2009)
METACRITIC: 62/100
Fan of absurd and irreverent media? Same. But Muscle March, released in North America in January 2010, puts players in control of hunky vigilante bodybuilders. The game is hilarious on paper, but in practice, left a lot to be desired. Convoluted controls were among critics’ most-cited issues, with a lack of content in a close second. One review from IGN circa 2010 says Muscle March “is definitely good for a laugh and the giggles you get … But the person playing will not have as much fun as the people watching.”
Bee Movie Game (2007)
METACRITIC: 71/100
“Ya like jazz?” Bee Movie as an interactive Nintendo Wii title feels more like a meme than an actual thing, but I assure you, the game is entirely real. The aughts were prime time for movie/game tie-ins, so naturally, Bee Movie got its due. You’re probably just better off rewatching the movie; the game is just an uninspired collections of minigames like kart racing and Frogger-like runs through traffic.
Grey’s Anatomy: The Video Game (2009)
METACRITIC: 65/100
“Nintendo Wii adaptation of basic cable drama Grey’s Anatomy” probably tops the list of “Most 2000’s Sentence Ever.” I’m not sure what people expected from a Grey’s video game, but reviewers’ near-universal “meh” is enough to set me straight. Trauma Center: Under the Knife was proof that a healthcare-centered video game could be enjoyable, but frankly, I don’t think even Shonda Rimes played this…
Cruis’n (2004)
METACRITIC: 25/100
Not every arcade racer needs to leave the Buffalo Wild Wings dining room, and that goes for Cruis’n, too. (Sorry, Midway…)
Reviews for the game on Metacritic range from critical to downright brutal. One reviewer disappointedly reveals it took them just eight hours to earn all unlockable cars and courses; a second, less-forgiving writer wrote that Cruis’n was “a lackluster game, made without respect for the reputation of the series, just aiming to deceive players desperately in need for speed.”
Major League Eating: The Game (2008)
METACRITIC: 45/100
Joey Chestnut is shaking in his boots. In Major League Eating: The Game, players use their controllers to guide their avatar/competitive eater through a nonstop grub gauntlet. I’m not sure anyone asked for this, but critics‘ collective yawn-shrug is enough to nip my curiosity in the bud. Don’t dunk this in water — it won’t be any easier to swallow.
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