I have a bone to pick with moviegoers: what is with their love of awful movies?
On the one hand, I get it; everyone’s tastes are unique, and what I like may not be someone else’s cup of tea, and vice versa. I’m not talking about those movies, though. These are movies that bombed with critics and audiences, but were still a box office success.
Jurassic World Dominion
Box Office: $1 billion
As someone who thinks they should have ended the Jurassic Park franchise while they were ahead with the original trilogy, I have to give them credit for Jurassic World; it’s at least watchable if you turn your brain off.
Dominion is a half-hearted attempt to give the franchise one last hurrah by saying goodbye to new characters while going all-in on nostalgia with the original cast. Despite being a bad movie, it still made over $1 billion, and we just got a sequel, so it shows what I know.
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Box Office: $1.1 billion
The first Transformers movie is everything I ever wanted it to be. Big, loud, obnoxious action with impressive CGI.
Every subsequent movie in the franchise, aside from Bumblebee, pales in comparison. One reason for Age of Extinction‘s problems is that Mark Wahlberg, not Shia LaBeouf, is in the leading role.
Armageddon
Box Office: $554 million
As much as I love Armageddon, I have to be honest with myself: it’s an objectively bad, bad movie. But I knew that coming in, it’s a Michael Bay film after all.
What’s impressive is that the movie grossed over half a billion dollars in 1998. Today, that’s over $1 billion. Maybe Michael Bay knows what he’s doing.
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Fast X
Box Office: $714 million
The franchise should have ended with the death of Paul Walker, yet it keeps rolling on, seemingly adding five mainstream actors with each subsequent release.
Whereas Michael Bay has seemingly moved away from mainstream summer blockbuster films, the Fast franchise was more than willing to step in with mindless fun that makes it big at the box office.
Minions
If you’re looking for where we started to fail as society, I’d like to point to 2015 as a starting point, which is when Minions, based on the characters from Despicable Me, was released.
No, we didn’t need a movie based around these annoying side characters. Audiences still ate it up, though.
Box Office: $1.15 billion
Suicide Squad
Box Office: $750 million
I wanted this movie to be good so badly. Everyone had such high hopes after that first trailer.
Then the movie came out, Will Smith said that stupid line, and it was all over. At least Margot Robbie is entertaining as Harley Quinn. Don’t get me started on Jared Leto’s Joker, though.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Box Office: $875 million
On the plus side, Ben Affleck was actually a good Bruce Wayne! I’m being serious; I liked him!
On the negative side, the rest of the movie, including Jesse Eisenberg’s atrocious Lex Luthor and Gal Gadot pretending like she can act, happens.
Mufasa: The Lion King
Do you want to know why Disney keeps pushing these live-action remakes and unwanted sequels on us? It’s because you keep seeing them!
This movie doesn’t need to exist. The Lion King is a timeless classic, and Disney is doing everything it can to ruin its reputation on the back of films like this.
Box Office: $723 million
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Box Office: $1 billion
Speaking of Disney being greedy, I’m convinced that the lot of you saw On Stranger Tides just to see if Johnny Depp could carry a Pirates movie on his own.
The answer is, despite his best efforts, no. Then again, was this really his best effort? Pirates of the Caribbean is a good trilogy that should have quit while it was ahead, but then again, this movie and its sequel a combined $1.76 billion.
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Box Office: $1 billion
Look, at this point in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, we were pot committed. We wanted to see how it would end.
We just hoped it didn’t end this badly (it did) and that it wouldn’t prevent us from getting more Star Wars content (it hasn’t, thankfully. Go watch Andor).
The Greatest Showman
Box Office: $459 million
That box office return doesn’t seem impressive, but its budget was only $84 million, so it was a pretty big success.
The Greatest Showman is all style and no substance, relying solely on Hugh Jackman’s charisma and fancy musical numbers to distract from a nonsensical, over-dramatized script.
Alice in Wonderland
Box Office: $1 billion
Look, Tim Burton deserves his legacy as an iconic filmmaker. Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice, the original Batman movies, they’re all incredible.
Sometimes, though, you need to know when to hang it up. Alice in Wonderland is far too over-the-top, stylistic, and crazy for its own good.
Snakes on a Plane
Box Office: $62 million
The internet hyped this movie to be one of the greatest action films of all time. Of course, this was well before the movie was ever released.
Sadly, it’s not even a good B-movie, but hey, Samuel L. Jackson says the line, so there’s that, I guess. It was still a box office success thanks to a much smaller budget.
50 Shades of Grey
Box Office: $570 million
It made a lot of money on a $40 million budget. That’s where the positives end for 50 Shades of Grey.
Christian Grey is abusive, the movie does not depict a healthy relationship, and most of you watched it to make fun of it. It’s okay, you can admit it now; it’s been ten years.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Box Office: $849 million
I’m not sure what’s stupider: the big climactic battle being a dream sequence, the baby’s name (Renesmee?!), or the baby’s face.
But hey, I get it as a Star Wars fan. I was too invested not to see Rise of Skywalker, just like Twilight fans were too committed not to see this.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Box Office: $717 million
It’s a shame that the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man movies bombed because he’s so good at playing the character. Seeing him get his moment in Spider-Man: No Way Home was incredibly satisfying.
Sadly, he was let down by Sony’s greed and incompetence. Maybe with Marvel’s guidance, he can get his well-deserved time to shine.
Thor: Love and Thunder
Box Office: $761 million
This was the breaking point for many MCU fans.
After the wildly successful Thor: Ragnarok, plus the billions of dollars Infinity War and Endgame made, fans were excited for another Thor film from Taika Waititi. The problem, though, is that Waititi’s schtick had become annoying, and the film suffers from it.
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